The struggle to become half the man i used to be . . .  


DAY#2 - So how much do you weigh?
One of my biggest nightmares has been for people to know how much I really weigh. Yeah, I know, I am stupid. Obviously I walk around for the world to see, but putting a number on it is just too much for me to bear so it seems.

I have been able to admit to my weight in the past but always in, "this is what i used to weigh. . . ." style.

Seven years ago, I weighed almost 390lbs. Not the heaviest I had ever been. I once tipped the scales at 406. In the course of the next nine months I dropped my weight to 230lbs and stayed at that weight for several months. And then slowly over the next few years I managed to put almost every pound back on. Ashamed? oh yeah! Try stick your head in the ground don't come up forever ashamed.

How could someone blow it that big? One of Shelly's relatives stopped by the house after I gained a good bit of my weight back and went off on me. She is the blunt type and she bluntly told me i was an idiot. I had gained so much health wise and then I blew it. She was right, the truth hurt, I hated her for a few days. How she said it wasn't the nicest, but I appreciated her thought behind it all. It was kindness for me that motivated her harsh words. Anyway she could never beat me up as bad as I have beaten myself. So be it.

So I weighed myself yesterday, I tipped my heavy-duty scale at 353. Not the heaviest I have been, but I have plenty of work cut out for me.

So now, my secret is out, and you know with facts. and here I go again.
[2010-03-17]
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Saturday November 17, 2018 - Day #3169