low

I would be lying if I let you believe that loosing weight makes me feel great everyday and I never have any issues. The truth is loosing weight is hard physically, mentally, emotionally. It is an awful roller coaster of feelings and thoughts powered by your body's chemistry.

This past few weeks I have been in a good slump. I think it all started with my gull bladder surgery and has continued since then. I have never been successful at loosing weight before, never, obviously if I had been I wouldn't still be trying. So I have a huge need to feel like I have accomplished my weight goal(s). Even though I am close I will continue to feel like a failure until I meet my goal(s). (Actually I do not feel any guarantee from myself that once I meet my final goal that I will feel much better, but I can hope.)

Bad news is my goal has never been set in stone so It is not a perfect measuring device. And any positive thinking go get em speaker will tell you, you need to have a measurable goal when you start something. Somehow I just thought I would know when I arrived at my goal. My only thought is that I am relying more on my feelings of feeling good about myself and I just don't. The even sadder news is that I should be able to stop at any time cause you should be able to feel good about yourself no matter what your weight. (even though I know this to be the case, it still doesn't work for me right now)

A few months ago I thought I came up with a creative answer to my end goal/feel good with my result issues. The idea of throwing myself a weightloss/birthday party was supposed to help with that but it did not. It actually made me feel more pressured and depressed and go figure, canceling it has left me feeling aimless and depressed. So no matter what it just seems like I am feeling low. I know this to shall pass. Just wish it went away yesterday.