bad day

for what it is worth, today has been a bad day. I would actually like to forget about it and pretend it didn't happen, but it did and for some perverse reason i WANT to remember it. Yesterday already my ankle was really sore and stiff and it was the first day since i started doing jumping jacks that i did none. I figured a day of R&R and I would be good. This morning I woke up and my ankle hurt twice as much and I felt like i was hit by a freight train. My head was numb, i was achey and tired and sick feeling, it felt like i was swimming in mud everywhere I went. I read things on my computer that made no sense and did I say my ankle hurt?

I actually laid down for a bit and thought i felt better until I got back up. Then this sales guy called in a panic over a client and needed help. Somehow that little incident raise my blood pressure a few notches in my already weary body. After that, my kids had some friends over and I drove down the road and picked up some pizza for them to eat for lunch. On the way home the pizza smelled incredible, but I wasn't planning on eating any. I was gonna stick to my healthy salad with some warm roast beef on top.

When i got home my wife had the stove top covered to lay out the pizza and I was unable to make my food. So I retreated back to my office in the basement. Where a few more stressful things happened. When I emerged upstairs later the cheese covered pizza was sitting in a box on the counter and it spoke to me. In that instance I grabbed the box and a few pieces of candy and took off to the basement and devoured it.

Even though, I thought I had solved a temporary problem, the pizza and candy did nothing for me. And now I am livid with myself for my indiscretion. I have been teetering on the edge of bingeing on more food to try to cover up my pissed off feelings over over-eating. I am not going to.

I am far form being under control right now, I still feel like crap, my ankle still hurts. I feel like a failure, but I am gonna try to put this behind me, bet back on with my life and recognize this for what it is and put it behind me.

I hope. And hopefully when these feelings and days rear their ugly faces again i can win!