nightmare

My biggest nightmare is for people to know how much i really weigh. yeah i know I am stupid. Obviously I walk around all fat, but putting a number on it is just too much for me to bear so it seems.
I have been able to admit to my weight in the past but always in, this is what i used to weigh. . . .
Never have i felt comfortable telling people what i weight today.

Currently I am very embarrassed with myself, I am coming up on my 3rd year anniversary of when i started my new lean and mean lifestyle. Three years ago on Oct 1. I weighed almost 400lbs. Not the heaviest I had ever been. I once tipped the scales a 406. In the course of the next nine months I dropped my weight to 230lbs. and stayed at that weight for several months then i slowly* added it back on. In the 18 months or so I have managed to put almost every pound back on reaching 376.6 this past weekend. ashamed? oh yeah! mucho stick your head in the ground don't come up forever ashamed.

How could someone blow it. One of Shelly's relatives stopped by the house this summer and went off on me. She is the blunt type and she bluntly told me i was an idiot. I had gained so much health wise and then I blew it. She was right, the truth hurt, I hated her for a few days. How she said it wasn't the nicest, but I appreciated her thought behind it all. It was kindness for me that motivated her harsh words. Anyway she could never beat me up as bad as I have beaten myself. so be it.

So there yeah have it a slice of my thoughts. I weighed 376.6 this past weekend. Today as of weighing I am 363.1 so I have lost 13lbs. Mind you it was all stored up water weight. Somewhere along the line I peed a gallon and a half of weight off of me.

So my secret is out, now you know with facts what you have witnessed with your eyes I am one large boy. and here i go again.